My Road to Self Love
In today's society, "self love" is a term that often pops up online, in the media, and far more places. But what does the term really mean? To me, self love is so much more than body positivity, it is acceptance and peace. One major key element that I think lacks in the self love world is the stories women tell about their journey's. I'd like to get this ball rolling, and open up with my experience of self discovery and love.
For as long as I can remember, I was never entirely confident in my body. I was always "heavier" than my friends and could never find peace with the fact that I was the "fat friend". I spent my high school career trying to match the sizes of the girls who surrounded me, but failed at every attempt. I just wasn't meant to be "skinny". There were numerous nights I would just think such negative and demeaning thoughts about myself - often ending with me in tears, of course. (I'm a crier, ask any of my friends)
As I've grown, age wise and metaphorically, I've found that there have been major changes in my lifestyle that I didn't even really notice. There have also been numerous changes that I did notice right off the bat, changes that I still think about to this day. So, without further-ado, here is my personal road to the woman I am today.
Growing up in a house with a scale is so tempting. Almost every day I would be washing my hands and look down at the scale, and immediately find myself staring down at the red numbers that would appear as I stepped on. Like most people, the number between my feet was a rude awakening that shook me to my core. I was never satisfied with the number I stared down at, ever. Each time the numbers appeared, a big part of me got lost in the weight I had - always tearing myself down for being too heavy.
A big shift in my confidence came when I moved out and went to college, where scales were a thing of my past. Ultimately, this change went unnoticed for a long time. I didn't weigh myself for months, and never lost any confidence due to a number that daunted me. Since moving out of my parents house, I can only remember three times where I've weighed myself. The first time, I was still shocked at the number between my feet. Heck, I'll admit I was sad at first. But then I remembered how much I'd grown used to the body I was in, and the sadness was eliminated almost instantly. The second time, well that was a bit more rocky. I was sad and thought I'd become less beautiful because of three numbers on the scale. But this third time, the number didn't even phase me. It was just a number. I walked out of the bathroom and carried on with my day - no tears needed.
Since I stopped weighing myself every chance I got, I've noticed huge changes in myself. I've stopped caring about pant sizes, they honestly didn't seem to matter anymore. As long as the jeans I wore were comfortable and cute, the size didn't matter. I wear a 12/14, depending on the cut and fit, and I never thought I'd be willing to say my jean size, yet here I am. I also stopped caring about the fact that my thighs are always touching and my arms are a little bit bigger than most peoples. A lot of my dimensions seemed to fade away and I just became me - no numbers attached.
Thank you for taking the time to read this, if anyone ever needs to talk or vent or scream at the world, you can connect with me via Instagram (@alliepomeroy). Please feel free to reach out to me, I'm always ready to listen!
For as long as I can remember, I was never entirely confident in my body. I was always "heavier" than my friends and could never find peace with the fact that I was the "fat friend". I spent my high school career trying to match the sizes of the girls who surrounded me, but failed at every attempt. I just wasn't meant to be "skinny". There were numerous nights I would just think such negative and demeaning thoughts about myself - often ending with me in tears, of course. (I'm a crier, ask any of my friends)
As I've grown, age wise and metaphorically, I've found that there have been major changes in my lifestyle that I didn't even really notice. There have also been numerous changes that I did notice right off the bat, changes that I still think about to this day. So, without further-ado, here is my personal road to the woman I am today.
1. Stop Weighing Yourself
Growing up in a house with a scale is so tempting. Almost every day I would be washing my hands and look down at the scale, and immediately find myself staring down at the red numbers that would appear as I stepped on. Like most people, the number between my feet was a rude awakening that shook me to my core. I was never satisfied with the number I stared down at, ever. Each time the numbers appeared, a big part of me got lost in the weight I had - always tearing myself down for being too heavy.A big shift in my confidence came when I moved out and went to college, where scales were a thing of my past. Ultimately, this change went unnoticed for a long time. I didn't weigh myself for months, and never lost any confidence due to a number that daunted me. Since moving out of my parents house, I can only remember three times where I've weighed myself. The first time, I was still shocked at the number between my feet. Heck, I'll admit I was sad at first. But then I remembered how much I'd grown used to the body I was in, and the sadness was eliminated almost instantly. The second time, well that was a bit more rocky. I was sad and thought I'd become less beautiful because of three numbers on the scale. But this third time, the number didn't even phase me. It was just a number. I walked out of the bathroom and carried on with my day - no tears needed.
Since I stopped weighing myself every chance I got, I've noticed huge changes in myself. I've stopped caring about pant sizes, they honestly didn't seem to matter anymore. As long as the jeans I wore were comfortable and cute, the size didn't matter. I wear a 12/14, depending on the cut and fit, and I never thought I'd be willing to say my jean size, yet here I am. I also stopped caring about the fact that my thighs are always touching and my arms are a little bit bigger than most peoples. A lot of my dimensions seemed to fade away and I just became me - no numbers attached.
2. Change Who You Define as Beautiful
Recently, my Instagram feed has changed quite a lot. I've recently started to follow accounts that promote body positivity and inclusivity, and that has really changed how I see myself. Seeing other women who share my same ideals, size, and proportions really started a fire in me. By seeing other women whose rolls were always around and thighs kissed all day every day, I stopped hating myself for having these "imperfections". Watching other women love themselves really helped me to be more self loving.
Some pages I recommend following on Instagram are kaylamariefit, positivelyglittered, aerie, and omgkenzieee.
3. Stare at Yourself Naked!!
Okay, I'll admit this sounds really weird. And it's going to be hard the first few times you do it - but trust me it's worth it. One thing that really changed my mindset is to strip down and stare at myself. The first thing I decided to focus on were my legs. I had literally never liked them. Ever. I thought they were too fat and had way too much substance. But now, I realize they are what carries me throughout my days. Without my legs, where the heck would I go?! And who cares if they fit into a size 12/14 pant at American Eagle Outfitters, they're strong and can do miraculous things (like let me dance at 5SOS concerts!)
The second thing(s) I focused on were my hips / stomach. I'd always thought I had hips so wide that I'd eventually not fit through a door (so sad to think I thought like that!!!!) But one day I just stared at them and realized I got my hips from my Mom, who I've never once thought was anything but beautiful! So, if her hips were awesome, why weren't mine? I also decided one day to poke at my stomach and really zero in on the things it does for me. First of all, it holds all the snacks I love to eat. And above all else, it's a stomach. What does it matter the size? Spoiler alert : IT DOESN'T!
4. Accept Your Body for What it is Worth
I won't lie - this is the hardest part of self love. Realizing that your body is your home, a temple to worship, is not something that comes easily. I've devoted the last two years to trying to become more confident - the change in heart does NOT come overnight, which is another lesson I had to learn.
Patience is key in loving who you are. There were numerous times where I would get defeated because I thought I would never be confident, and that I would always hate my body. But, with time, I've learned to love the skin I'm in. Seriously, guys, give your brain some time.
Also, realize that your body is the only one you will ever get. So treat it with respect and kindness. Talk to yourself about your body the way you would talk to your friends about theirs. Take time to really focus on what you like about yourself, and develop that into what you love about yourself. Heck, even take the time to focus on what you don't like about yourself. Really think about why you don't like it, and then try to think of what amazing things it does. Like I stated earlier about my legs, this can apply to anything!!
Lastly, allow yourself to have days where you feel less in love with your body. Being confident is not always about loving who you are, but also about allowing yourself to fall apart. Even now I have days, sometimes weeks, where I feel down. And that is totally okay. You. Do. Not. Need. To. Love. Your. Body. All. The. Time.
It is okay to have times where you fall apart - it's only human. Don't beat yourself up for it.
This didn't come easily for me - which is totally okay! But one of the best things I've done for myself was stopping comparing myself to everyone around me. Yes, sometimes I still do this. But it's not as constant as it once was. The most helpful thing to me, was realizing my beauty and not looking for beauty elsewhere. Finding beauty within yourself is hard. For me, I had to find beauty in my heart and soul before I could really see it outside of my body.
Ultimately, comparing our bodies is something that comes all too naturally to us all - men and women alike. But taking the time to realize that we don't need to compare ourselves to others is really beneficial. Taking the time to stop ourselves in our tracks is life changing. Realizing that we don't need to compare ourselves to the images we see in the media and online is an amazing experience and something I encourage everyone to do. Take the time to correct yourself when you are finding beauty elsewhere - start looking for it with yourself.
5. Stop Comparing Your Body
This didn't come easily for me - which is totally okay! But one of the best things I've done for myself was stopping comparing myself to everyone around me. Yes, sometimes I still do this. But it's not as constant as it once was. The most helpful thing to me, was realizing my beauty and not looking for beauty elsewhere. Finding beauty within yourself is hard. For me, I had to find beauty in my heart and soul before I could really see it outside of my body.
Ultimately, comparing our bodies is something that comes all too naturally to us all - men and women alike. But taking the time to realize that we don't need to compare ourselves to others is really beneficial. Taking the time to stop ourselves in our tracks is life changing. Realizing that we don't need to compare ourselves to the images we see in the media and online is an amazing experience and something I encourage everyone to do. Take the time to correct yourself when you are finding beauty elsewhere - start looking for it with yourself.
While I know I'm not a body positivity guru, and I don't have all the answers. I do have real world experience. I have tears shed, and negative thoughts thunk. But I am here to say that loving your body is attainable, as long as you are patient with yourself. Do not think changes are going to come over night. They will be gradual, and often times unnoticed. Just like anything else in life, this is an uphill battle - you might stumble, but keep fighting until you get to the top. Because once you reach the peak, the view is amazing. And please always remember, you are so much more than you think you are.
Thank you for taking the time to read this, if anyone ever needs to talk or vent or scream at the world, you can connect with me via Instagram (@alliepomeroy). Please feel free to reach out to me, I'm always ready to listen!
Xo,
Allie
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